The Realisms of The Unexplained

So recently it seems that I've come down with a bad case of the woe is me syndrome, and it's really starting to bum me out because I don't want to be one of those people that's always having a bad day and something terrible is always happening to, because the truth of the matter is, most of my days are happy and filled with massive amounts of smiles and laughter. It's just one of those things where every now and again you find yourself falling into old habits and they often begin to consume you. Now as I have stated previously I am in many instances my own worst enemy in that I set myself up to be disappointed. What can I say, I'm hopeless for happy and meaningful relationships, even though that part of life hasn't seemed to have found me.  But it's okay, well at least I'd like it to be. While honesty is always the best policy, it's sometimes very difficult to be honest with ourselves, namely myself and my ability to mask things just to prevent me from seeing things for the way that they really are. I've done it my entire life, so to stop now would seem pointless, right? Not true, as I grow and I learn and I strive to be a better person to myself.  It has come to my attention that I hurt myself more by ignoring the elephant in the room. I have become a master at convincing myself that everyone else's feelings matter and my own can be set aside. This has been the way that I've been my entire life and I always allow things to go so far and then it becomes a problem and by then things are long gone and the thresh hold of no return has been reached. Recently I became friends with someone that I really grew to care about and for that one split second it seemed that that wanting and happiness that I've always wanted had finally arrived, because the happiest surprises come in packages that we never suspect! And things really were exactly as I had hoped that they would be and then I noticed changes but again because I'm really good at ignoring things, I just figured it was something that would eventually go away and things would go back to the way that they were.  But in some ways they did, but the dynamics of this relationship changed drastically and what once was we and us became me and my and again, I placed my blinders on and continued to press on in hopes that something would change and change they did. But the thing about me is  that I have always looked at the potential of a person and not the person standing in front of me and for this I often end up with my feelings hurt and an emptiness just as great as the one before. I'm learning that I have a very big issue with letting go, I always have. I'm not sure if it has something to do with ultimately making a decision that may be permanent or if it's the fear of the way the other person will be left feeling regardless to the way that I've been made to feel. In the past few days, I had to make a very difficult decision in regards to someone that I care about greatly, not because of hate or wanting to possibly not see them again, but I had to let go of something that seemed to have fizzled away. It you care enough about something, sometimes letting go is the thing that has to be done, because honestly if it's meant to be it will find it's way back to together again. Loving and caring about a person is a very difficult thing and should always be handled delicately and with great care, but we also have to understand that we too sabotage things unknowingly for unconscious reasons and the love and caring that we offer is all that we know how to offer regardless of how bad or indifferent. While I sit and wait for this emptiness to subside, I know in my heart that this is just a test and whatever will be will be!