So I've made it to another Valentines Day.. Alone. Last year didn't expect to be spending
today alone. Seeing that I had what I thought was the perfect Valentines last year... Oh. Well.. Just like the saying goes, easy come easy go.. Or is it?? I was in a relationship with someone that I thought very highly of and was hoping that he was the last frog that I would have to kiss... Well... I guess nothing could have been further from the truth.. And now that the relationship is over it seems that it's very difficult to let go.. To love someone and spend lots of time loving them, sleeping next to them, calling them, and all of the other things that go with a relationship, and then in a the blink of an eye it's over.. And sometimes I will be first to admit, we/I become so involved and focused that I often don't see the forest for the trees... Being miserable is not what I strive for or even one of my deepest desires, but it seems that I thrive in relationships that bring me great misery and pain.. It has become apparent to me that love should be something of happiness and sheer bliss.... It should be one of those instances when you can't get enough of that person. It should never be something that you have to work so hard that you're tired at the end of the day... Ive come to the realization, that its sometimes easier to let go of things that it is others. But, no one said that it was going to be easy.. Letting go is the hardest part of ending a relationship and I guess what makes this time so difficult is because I'm so tired of letting go.. I shouldn't have to keep playing this same game over and over again. But it seems that this is just the way the cards have been dealt to me, so what better thing to do than to play my hand.. I have come to realize that I first am the navigator of my own happiness and in order for me to be happy and love someone else, I must first love myself. I have been guilty of time and time again sharing the love that I have to offer with people that treat it as an obligation and not a gift... In a perfect world, there would be no pain, no disappointment and raindrops would be kisses and sunshine would be hugs... But unfortunately that just ain't the world that we're living in..... Damn... I'm learning, that being still and learning to love me may be the greatest love of all and letting go is just a fact of life even though it may cause great pain and discomfort.. The scariest part of letting go is that the person that you're letting go of, you may be letting go of forever... In order to be healed and able to start over again letting go, while extremely hard is best even though you may be making a permanent decision.... So here I am on Sweeties Day, being sweet on myself.. But who better to be sweet on other than me... And while I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.... I've decided that I'm letting go... It's taken me a very long time to get to this point, but I gotta do it for me and for my girls.. They deserve to have all of me and not part of me.. I'm all that they have.. so there.. it's done... I'm letting it go..
